Self: I want Haytham
Soul: Ettaky Allah, he's gone this is what God ruled so accept it.
Self: I know, but ana mal7e2tesh..
Soul: be grateful you had him to begin with
Self: yeah, but why me? what did I do wrong?
Soul: sob7an Allah, God chose that for you, so you know it's the best situation to be in,
and didn't you feel how much closer to God you were at that time, how much He taught you
since then, this is most merciful to you and Haytham, it's better than to be led on in
life, and look at the amount of people praying for him, doing 3omras and all that. what did you do wrong? where do I start, when would I stop. Al7amdolellah en Allah, does not treat us like that, you've done wrong and you deserve worse but AL7AMDOLELLAH en Allah does not treat us like that. You do bad but He sends you this, so that you would run to Him, this is mercy, it's a pity you don't see it, and more pitiful if you see it but don't accept it as it truly is. This is mercy.
Self: I know but it still hurts so bad.
Soul: and even that you get rewarded for if you're patient, not just the physical pain,
the sadness too, it can cause you a place in the hereafter that you would never achieve
with your own deeds.
Self: But I miss him so badly.
Soul: it's because your "Yakeen" is not that strong, you know that life is short, and that
death is the one of the most real things, and you'll get there, but you just don't grasp
this idea truly, it's why you're still thinking; I lost him in life, and not the I'll have
him fel a7'ra. You try to act opposite to it but eldonya is still deeply embedded in your
heart.
Self: I'm trying to be patient, but i don't feel close or at peace
Soul: because you strayed again, after you'd tasted the beauty of praying so hard, of
remembering Allah with your heart, you pulled back, you were too lazy to keep the effort,
and now you're neither totally into yourself, or into the donya in a "I'll get over it,
I'll move on" nor are you with Allah with all your heart in a "eldonya is just a phase,
it's not really worth anything" well what can I say! you brought this on yourself, enjoy
it.
Self: but, where do I go from here?
Soul: you know where, you're just too lazy and too hasty.
Self: well that's not alot of help.
Soul: well, it's what I have. you don't wanna move on, you don't wanna accept the loss,
you're acting like a child kicking and screaming "I want haytham" when you know you what it's like
Self: bas ana maleesh da3wa I want Haytham, I wanna talk to him
Soul: well, you know that en Allah is All Merciful, that he made our relationship with the
dead not end by their death, you can pray for them, and they know it and they hear it, and
that's what really counts that's what benefits them... but you're not really thinking of
him of what's good for him you're just thinking of yourself, I want to see him, I want to
hear him, I miss him. I, I, and I.
Self: I know that, I know all that, but it still feels the same.
Soul: look you chose that, you chose not to move on, you chose to be sad, so just live
with it. but at least try to live with it properly, cause you're turning bitter, and
bitter is not sabr, it cant be reda, just try to go back to just sad, at peace but just
sad cause it was definetly better than where you are right now.
Self: I'm just scared, what if I live on? what would i do if I kept on living till i'm old? how am I supposed to endure all that time? and also, what if I die? that's scary too? how will it be? will it hurt? is it good? is it scary?
Soul: well, what can I say, that just prove how deaf you are. "What if I live? after all the lectures you heard about faith, and righteous people? after all the wisdoms you heard on how death is closer to a person than his next breath? after what you heard about Prophet Mohammed pbuh? you don't even know if you'll live to take in your next breath, and if you still have time. time is the mo'men's investment. the time you have, that you fear is an opportunity to become closer to Allah, to say one final prayer, to help one final person, and if it goes on, well if you had a cause, other than yourself and your lonliness bohoho, you wouldn't feel like this, you would be able to grieve properly, even if for the rest of your life, you would be able to look forward to meeting him, instead of worrying how am i supposed to spend whatever time in such lonliness, how many people with causes had no one to love, or lost their loved one but were filled with their belief that enabled them to go on, but who am I talking to, of course you know all that, but still..
Self: I know, but still...
-----------------------------------------------
Self: I want Haytham
Soul: Ettaky Allah, he's gone this is what God ruled so accept it.
Self: I know, but ana mal7e2tesh..
Soul: be grateful you had him to begin with
Self: yeah, but why me? what did I do wrong?
Soul: sob7an Allah, God chose that for you, so you know it's the best situation to be in,
and didn't you feel how much closer to God you were at that time, how much He taught you
since then, this is most merciful to you and Haytham, it's better than to be led on in
life, and look at the amount of people praying for him, doing 3omras and all that. what did you do wrong? where do I start, when would I stop. Al7amdolellah en Allah, does not treat us like that, you've done wrong and you deserve worse but AL7AMDOLELLAH en Allah does not treat us like that. You do bad but He sends you this, so that you would run to Him, this is mercy, it's a pity you don't see it, and more pitiful if you see it but don't accept it as it truly is. This is mercy.
Self: I know but it still hurts so bad.
Soul: and even that you get rewarded for if you're patient, not just the physical pain,
the sadness too, it can cause you a place in the hereafter that you would never achieve
with your own deeds.
Self: But I miss him so badly.
Soul: it's because your "Yakeen" is not that strong, you know that life is short, and that
death is the one of the most real things, and you'll get there, but you just don't grasp
this idea truly, it's why you're still thinking; I lost him in life, and not the I'll have
him fel a7'ra. You try to act opposite to it but eldonya is still deeply embedded in your
heart.
Self: I'm trying to be patient, but i don't feel close or at peace
Soul: because you strayed again, after you'd tasted the beauty of praying so hard, of
remembering Allah with your heart, you pulled back, you were too lazy to keep the effort,
and now you're neither totally into yourself, or into the donya in a "I'll get over it,
I'll move on" nor are you with Allah with all your heart in a "eldonya is just a phase,
it's not really worth anything" well what can I say! you brought this on yourself, enjoy
it.
Self: but, where do I go from here?
Soul: you know where, you're just too lazy and too hasty.
Self: well that's not alot of help.
Soul: well, it's what I have. you don't wanna move on, you don't wanna accept the loss,
you're acting like a child kicking and screaming "I want haytham" when you know you what it's like
Self: bas ana maleesh da3wa I want Haytham, I wanna talk to him
Soul: well, you know that en Allah is All Merciful, that he made our relationship with the
dead not end by their death, you can pray for them, and they know it and they hear it, and
that's what really counts that's what benefits them... but you're not really thinking of
him of what's good for him you're just thinking of yourself, I want to see him, I want to
hear him, I miss him. I, I, and I.
Self: I know that, I know all that, but it still feels the same.
Soul: look you chose that, you chose not to move on, you chose to be sad, so just live
with it. but at least try to live with it properly, cause you're turning bitter, and
bitter is not sabr, it cant be reda, just try to go back to just sad, at peace but just
sad cause it was definetly better than where you are right now.
Self: I'm just scared, what if I live on? what would i do if I kept on living till i'm old? how am I supposed to endure all that time? and also, what if I die? that's scary too? how will it be? will it hurt? is it good? is it scary?
Soul: well, what can I say, that just prove how deaf you are. "What if I live? after all the lectures you heard about faith, and righteous people? after all the wisdoms you heard on how death is closer to a person than his next breath? after what you heard about Prophet Mohammed pbuh? you don't even know if you'll live to take in your next breath, and if you still have time. time is the mo'men's investment. the time you have, that you fear is an opportunity to become closer to Allah, to say one final prayer, to help one final person, and if it goes on, well if you had a cause, other than yourself and your lonliness bohoho, you wouldn't feel like this, you would be able to grieve properly, even if for the rest of your life, you would be able to look forward to meeting him, instead of worrying how am i supposed to spend whatever time in such lonliness, how many people with causes had no one to love, or lost their loved one but were filled with their belief that enabled them to go on, but who am I talking to, of course you know all that, but still..
Self: I know, but still...
-----------------------------------------------
Self: I want Haytham
Soul: there we go again...
